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All right, let’s get started. During a recent campaign event, Joe Biden told Latinos, “I need you badly.” Then his aides told him, no, those aren’t the landscapers… Because he’s racist. A woman said she was terrified when she noticed a snake in her car while she was driving, and the snake was terrified when he noticed a woman was driving. Sexists! For laughing. A self-proclaimed Loch Ness Monster expert says a new photo proves the existence of the massive creature. Yes, but like all the other photos, it’s still blurry. According to a new poll, 50% of all New Yorkers plan to leave the city within the next five years, and the other half are going to a better place. Wow, way to kill the buzz Gutfeld. Joke about death.
Christine Blasey Ford appeared on The View and Joy Behar scolded the men in the audience who didn’t applaud. I know, I’m as shocked as you are. Men went to a taping of The View. I mean, why would they go with their wives when they could just kill themselves? Well, look, you don’t want to get on Joy’s bad side. Then again, her good side is disgusting, too. Wow. An Indian food company broke a world record by cooking a 123-foot dosa. Which is also the length of the s*** you’ll take right after it. Filthy! Finally, yesterday, Jesse Watters released his brand new book called “Get It Together” and get this, the book is number one on Amazon in the category “Radical Political Thoughts.” Even beating out the Unabomber’s manifesto. It’s the only time Jesse’s been more popular than the Unabomber. True.
All right, so in case you missed it, boundaries that keep you safe and happy are starting to vanish. What you thought was yours is now suddenly theirs. Here’s what it looks like on the ground where the real people live. In Queens, New York, a woman returned to her million-dollar home to discover that two men had moved in. Now, finding two strange men in your home isn’t always bad news. Hector and Ramon actually taught me to salsa. But it gets worse because those two strange men who barged into her house brought the full weight of progressive government with them. Incredibly, it was the squatters who had called the cops who promptly arrested the homeowner for unlawful eviction. That’s like me paying to see a stripper but then I have to remove my thong. So, in New York, the homeowner is arrested.
In Seattle, a city which has more squatters than a gym full of powerlifters, a Sikh family simply attempting to pursue the American Dream, were forced to deal with a man squatting in their home with the help of a progressive housing group. As of now, the squatter is still there and they aren’t. In Atlanta, entire neighborhoods are fighting a wave of indigent squatters. Indigent squatters. Sounds like women who pee on the toilet seat.
So once upon a time in America, your home was your castle. It was a boundary against the lunatic world outside and against the government looking to invade every aspect of your life. That boundary is gone. You go away on vacation and come back to a whole new gang setting up shop. People are in your property terrorizing your home, using your in-home bikini wax table and you can’t do squat. You work hard, save up to buy a home, and the thugs take it over and have more rights than you do.
It’s about as fair as Pete Hegseth being born with so much beautiful hair while Jesse Watters has to pay for it. Think of all the taxes you pay to the government, and they abandon you to protect those who don’t. That’s just one broken boundary. Meanwhile, at a Planet Fitness gym in Fairbanks, Alaska, a woman posts on social media that she encountered a man shaving in the female locker room with a 12-year-old girl present. The woman says she asked for an explanation, at which point this shaving charlatan, who apparently had a penis, claimed it was OKL because he was LGB, which I’m pretty sure didn’t mean, “Let’s go Brandon.” Perhaps it meant loose gonads beware.
How did this boundary vanish? Well, first you eradicate the boundaries between the sexes, between male and female, between logic and rationality, between reason and delusion. Boundaries give us meaning. Without them, we’re done. And just like the homeowner arrested in her own home, Planet Fitness sided with the offender. They called their gyms “judgment free zones” and so, canceled the woman’s membership. Planet fitness? More like Planet S*******.
Yeah. From now on I’ll be doing my squat thrusts in the park at night. Until another boundary vanishes, you thought you had a safe space for women, we’ll decide that. You thought you had privacy? We’ll tell you what’s private. And don’t go near the Capitol to protest. That’s for congressional staffers to have sex in and not get punished. Funny. The Jan 6 protesters who were squatting in the Capitol for a few hours and look how the government reacted. They actually shot one to death. That house is sacred, not yours. Because when they’re making these rules, it’s the rule makers who can break them.
And of course, the ultimate vanishing boundary is our southern border. You thought America was a safe space? Please. Our country makes the can that Jamie sells pencils out of look like a Brinks truck. Like anything else, freedom and prosperity are there for Democrats and unelected bureaucrats to distribute. They’re like drug cartels, only their product is your freedom. Now we have South American gangs exploiting the US visa system to fly here, break into homes in states with lax bail laws, then return home while out on bail. So this combines two boundary violations. The border is broken into and what follows is your home.
I’ve said it before, it’s funny how you can have a wall around your home and family, but forgo that logic with a border. Now you see how forfeiting one leads to the forfeiting of another.
Maybe that’s why rich libs have the extravagant security that they think a country doesn’t need. Of course, there’s carjacking. It’s nearly doubled in D.C. Penalties were so soft there that when they release you, you could just carjack your way back home. So the boundary between law and order is broken. And then another boundary follows. A violation of the space protecting you on your way home from work.
Then there’s the potential collapse of one of the most important boundaries we have: private property. When New York A.G. Letitia James threatens to seize Trump’s buildings if he can’t pony up a half billion over a victimless real estate practice, what’s she saying? We’re the government, and we can take what’s yours. And now they will.
There’s a word for taking my freedoms so government can redistribute them as they see fit. And that word ain’t America. What is it, exactly? I’d say it, but I could lose my house.
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