100 Funniest Bald People Jokes, Roasts & Memes - The (mostly) Simple Life (2024)

They’re mad and aren’t gonna take it anymore! Who you ask? The bald! Bald for one and one for bald!It’s an invasion. They’re united much unlike their fallen hair. The shear size of their forehead the would make any out of space alien immediately surrender! They’re constantly neglected and rejected, often referred to as Lollipop head, Follicle Failure,or my personal favorite, Rogaine Randy.

We actually should take pity on them. Unwanted by barbers, shunned by makers of hair gel, shampoo not to mention comb and brush sellers. The only saving grace is being wooed by makers of hats, caps and head polish.

Dating is another story. When your date tells you she would love to run her fingers through your head, trust me it’s a big mood killer to retrieve the bag of your old hair. Don’t bother asking me how I know this. Many women won’t even give bald men a chance when it comes to procreation.Bald need not apply. Position has been filled, unlike the space on the top of your head.Women prefer to go from hair to maternity so unless you have the powers of Aladdin’s genie or the money of Daddy Warbucks, you’re pretty much screwed, light bulb head.

Bald men are ready to wig out and one day there will be hell toupee. Until then, you can rest assure that laughing at these jokes won’t get you slapped in front of the whole world. Have fun with these top jokes, roasts and memes regarding this hairing impaired community which is not protected by any disability laws.

*** IMPORTANT: Discrimination towardpeople may create significant consequences for their well-being – the jokes on this page are meant to be in good fun – please always remain respectful ***

Bald people jokes

Q: Why didn’t the man care when his wife said she was leaving him because he was balding?
A: It was hair loss.

Three sisters 3 are choosing their outfits for a family celebration.
1st sister: “My boyfriend has red hair so I will wear a red dress.”
2nd sister: “My husband has gray hair so I will wear a gray dress.”
The 3rd sister looks very worried and nervous:”My husband has no hair!”

You’re so bald, every time you wear a turtle neck; people aren’t sure if it’s your head or a huge roll-on deodorant ball sticking out.

***Daddy’s Girl!***
Daughter: Why is Dad and many other men bald?
Mother: Because they’re always thinking honey.
The girl ponders this answer and then says, “Ahhh so that’s why you have so much hair!”

My girlfriend presented our new son to our friends.
She said “Take a gander at my plump guy without a stitch of hair!”.
I said, “Very nice, but let’s talk about the baby!”

How do you tell the difference between a crown prince, a bald man and a monkey?
The prince is the heir apparent.
The monkey’s parents are hairy.
The bald man apparently has lost his hair.

Q: What did they call the bald man who had no limbs?
A: A doorknob.

Why did the souls not allowed in Heaven lose all their hair? Because they had hell toupee.

How did the balding man explain the argument he had with his hair? He said it was a falling out.

Which birds can you not use a hairbrush on? Bald eagles.

I didn’t realize how much hair I had lost until I asked the barber for a haircut and he asked which one I wanted cut?

Why did the man call his girlfriend overly jealous? Because even when she doesn’t see any hair on his clothes, she demand to know who’s the bald girl he’s been seeing.

Q: Why did the flight full of bald men forced to return to the gate?
A: It was chartered by receding airlines.

***From Heir To There!***
A dying old man summons his 3 children. They come to his home and he tells them:
“Here I am, completely bald when I once had beautiful long hair. The nearby forest is full of beautiful trees, but like my hair, at some point they will be gone as trees either die or are cut down. My request for you and each generation thereafter is to plant a new tree whenever one dies or is cut down. His children and each following generation continued to follow the man’s dying wishes. As a result, the forest was always green and full of of life. It’s amazing what beauty comes from one man’s re-seeding heirline!

Why did the drunk bald men put heads together during the comedy show? They wanted to make an assist of themselves.

During the Covid lockdown, to fit in with everyone the hairless man grew out his bald spot.

***5 hairs or less lane!***
Young boy is with his mother in the check-out lane at the grocery store. A bald man is in front of them.
Danny: Mom, what happened to that man’s hair?
Mother: He’s balding. That’s usually because of his hormones.
Danny: Will his hair come back if he asks her to be quiet?

***Please Don’t Share from Where Comes This Hair!***
Q: Why were the diners at the nudist colony disgusted when they found curly hair in their food?
A: Because the chef was bald and wore no pants.

A guy with just a few hairs enters the barbershop. He tells the barber a trim and when finished there should be one hair parted to the left, one parted to the right and the last one right in the middle. The barber is looking at his phone and accidentally cuts off one of the hairs entirely. The guy says, no problem, I can still have one hair parted to the right and the other parted to the left. The barber continues and once again his distraction with his phone causes him to entirely cut out another strand of hair. “Just forget it, damn it,” says the guy, “I can just go with the messy style!”

Q: Why is baldness like wetting your pants?
A: They both tend to run in your jeans.

How are bald men able to be so transparent when they are talking? Because you’re always able to see what they have on their mind.

Bald men have a reputation of being quite virile, but women have a reputation of not giving them an opportunity to confirm it.

Why was the woman so happy to date the bald man? Because his head was brighter than anything else in her life.

How can you tell that you’re going bald? It takes you twice as long washing your face.

Q: Why do bald men always have their hands in their front pockets.
A: They enjoy running their fingers through their hair.

Why was the bearded man with the receding hairline insulted by his date? She asked him how he was able to get an upside down haircut.

How did the man realize he was going bald? His toothpaste lasted 3 times longer than his hair gel.

Q: How can you tell if you’ve seen a bald eagle?
A: The feathers are parted to one side.

How do you tell a bald man from a baby? A baby will eventually stop its whining.

Top 10 funny bald head roasts!

Your bald head has so much space even the space shuttle can land there!
Your bald head is so big that everyone can see your thoughts.
Your bald head is so big that it’s visible on a map of the Earth.
Your bald head is so shiny that you can make money as a light house!
Your bald head is so big I was trying to figure out if that was your forehead or the moon.
Your bald head is so big that your face has doubled in size.
Your bald head is so shiny that bowling centers accuse you of theft when you leave.
Your bald head is so bright that generate your own solar energy.
Your bald head is so big it’s a $20 Uber Ride from your eyes to the back of your head.
Your bald head is so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

More funny jokes and memes about bald people

Q: What did the wife say to her balding husband?
A: Your head is so shiny that I can see my reflection!

What did the bald guy say when his kids gifted him a new comb for Father’s Day? Finally, something I’ll never part with!

While trying to flirt, the man said that people often mistake him for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s twin. ‘Sorry, but I don’t see it.”, she chuckled, ‘You’re bald, overweight, unfit and height impaired. He said, “Yes, like I said his twin, Danny DeVito.”

How did the smart man rationalize his bald patches? He said that as his IQ increased, his brain needed more space to grow.

How did the balding man adjust to his hair loss? He said it started to grow on him.

Life challenges are like the random combs bald men are given.

Q: Why did the wig shop owner call the police on the male shopper?
A:Because he refused toupee.

Why did the pet groomer reject the bald porcupine? He said it was pointless.

What made the lice leave the bald man’s head? They became homeless.

Your head is so smooth and and round that you can make money telling the future.

How do you describe a bald man who goes out on a windy day? Lucky!

What was the name of the bald man from Ireland? Al O’Peesha.

What was the bald magician able to pull from his hat? Hare.

The comedian decided against making a joke about the bald audience member. He said there wasn’t anything to joke about.

Some say that beauty is skin deep. Too bad you’re bald.

Why did the new bald comedian fail at the improv club? He couldn’t come up with something off the top of his head.

***A Late Nite Shave***
A barber, a bald headed man, and an absent-minded professor decide to go camping deep into Canadian wilderness. Because there are bears everywhere, they take turns staying up during the night to safeguard their food. When it’s time for the barber to keep watch, he amuses himself by cutting off all of the professor’s hair. The professor wakes up hours later and after feeling his head says, “What an idiot barber, he woke up the bald headed man instead of me!”

Q: What do you call a DJ who is balding? A: Calvin Hairless.

Why do bald people get fooled when they take a shower? Because they are easily prone to brainwashing.

How should you respond when people tease you about losing hair? You tell them that when you have such a great body, hair isn’t needed.

Q: What is be way of wasting your time?
A: When you tell a hair-raising story to a bald man.

What’s the best benefits of being bald-headed? No one can can point their finger at you if they find hair on the furniture.

What was always on the top the balding sea captains mind? Cap sizing.

Why made the bald man buy a specific kind of gun. Because it had a hair-trigger.

What did the bald man say when he entered the barber shop? “I’m looking for an air stylist.”

Q: How was the home of the bald Jamaican man easily robbed?
A: He had no locs.

What did the farmer put on the bald-headed guinea pig? A Guinea wig.

Q: What did the prince buy when his hair started to fall out?
A: A raspberry toupee.

A man was teasing his father. Dad, I’m not saying that you’re going bald, but the lice have long since moved to greener pastures.

I asked my doctor how can I save my hair that’s been falling out. He told me to buy a vacuum cleaner.

Q: What always made people laugh when the bald man introduced himself?
A: When he told them his name was Harry!

Why did the hunter get a fine for killing the sick bald eagle? Because it was ill-eagle.

What did the wife say to her husband when he started to lose his hair? You’re so bald even MacGyver couldn’t help you.

How do you describe a 2 rabbits that can ride a tandem bicycle backwards? A receding hairline.

How did Gary’s friend refer to him when he started to lose his hair? Garibaldi.

My grandpa was losing his hair and one day I asked him, “Grandpa, who cuts your hair, genetics?

How do you describe a chicken that has lost its feathers? Bald.

The man looked just like John Travolta. Too bad it wasn’t before the actor lost his hair.

What did they call the two bald soldiers who were fighting over a comb? A losing battle!

You’ve lost so much hair that the Hair Club for Men voted you Chairman of The Board!

Why was the bald man grateful that he was 7ft tall? Because when anyone saw him, they only thing they knew was that he was tall.

Q: Why did the bald guy want to get a rabbit tattooed on his head?
A: So people would think he had hare!

Barber talks to client. I’m can’t say that you are going bald, but it’s easier to find an honest politician before finding your hairline.

A man’s wife constantly complained that her gray hair made her look old. One day while she was asleep, he decided to help her feel better by cutting off all of her gray hair. He couldn’t believe how angry she was when she woke up bald.

It’s easy to have confidence when you have lots of hair, but a self-confident bald man can never be called empty headed.

Even more big forehead & bald people jokes worth checking out

Your forehead is so large that you probably dream in 4K.

Why did the bald guy install solar panels on his head?
Because he wanted to get a little more hair-nergy!

That’s it, we are out of bald jokes! But you can read our 55 forehead jokes.

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100 Funniest Bald People Jokes, Roasts & Memes - The (mostly) Simple Life (2024)
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